Walk in the Shadows – Act II, Scene 2.

To be honest, I have not so many memories about the afterparty. We drunk a lot, we danced a lot, we had a good time. I tried to avoid Jesus, but had a nice chitchat with the drummer called… errr… whatever. He’s a funny guy. We went to a pub, then back to the L.o.v.e. I met Danny, a kind fellow of mine (with a car), and somehow convinced him to take Gabriel home. He (I mean, Gabe) was almost passed out, I’ve never seen him like that. If I had been sober, I would have been worried about him (fatal alcohol intoxication, you know).

broken angel
Unfortunately, I was stoned too and round 2 o’clock I felt so sick that I went out of the L.o.v.e. to get some fresh air. L.o.v.e. was a stable in the past, it’s far from the downtown. I took a little walk on the pitch black backyard. I could see the clean, starry skies, too bad I felt very dizzy when I looked up to observe them. I wasn’t cold at all. Tequilaaas, yeah.
‘So you are still interested in astronomy.’
I didn’t see him, but it wasn’t needed.  I recognized the voice. At first I thought I was hallucinating, but a second later I could smell the familiar scent of his aftershave. Ironically, I almost threw up in that moment, though I got sober in a minute. All the alarm bells were ringing in my head. I pretended like I didn’t care about him and tried to go toward the entrance-door, but he grabbed my arm and stopped me. I felt an enormous wave of fear, but I knew I didn’t have to show it.
‘Leave me alone, dickhead’ I said.
‘I just wanna talk to you.’
‘I’m not interested, so fuck off.’ I tried to free my arm, but he was strong and I had drunk a lot. I stumbled, and he caught me as if he tried to help, but he held my arms down. he was behind me and I could feel his breath on my neck when he whispered:
‘Let’s make a little walk in the woods. You seem a little mellow, sweety.’ He took me up of the ground.
‘No!’ I shouted.
‘I swear I heard a definite answer and it was no’ said someone from the darkness behind us.
Peter set me free immediately, and turned toward the voice. I fell to the ground.
‘Not your business man, my girlfriend’s jolly, no problem here’ he said. I got up and kept a distance from both of them.
‘Maybe it’s mine, because she is in my companionship and I happen to know that she’s not your girlfirend, asshole’ answered the shadow and took some steps toward Peter who backed away. He is a coward with men, he always was.
‘See you soon’ Peter spat to me as a goodbye and slowly walked away.
‘I doubt it’ I mumbled.
‘Are you all right?’ asked Jesus.
‘I think so. Uhm… thanks.’
‘Not at all. Who was this dickhead anyway?’ he asked when we started back to the building.
‘Ex disaster.’
‘I see. And now I understand why I am not the type you go for.’ I could hear he’s smiling.
‘My taste of men is legendary’ I muttered.
‘Yes, Gabe told me some things about it.’
‘Doesn’t matter. What a pity he fled so quickly. I’m in a moron-punching mode tonight. Come, I’ll take you home.’
‘Uhm, but I’m kinda moron, too.’
He just laughed.
Twelve minutes later I was in my bed, feeling dizzy and looking forward a sleepless night.

The Rock Show – Act II, Scene 1.

Two days after the orchid incident Gabriel and Ria came around to to celebrate Benji’s reborn. Yes, the dirty little cat came back. He’s thin and tired but looks happy, I’m sure he had picked up a lots of pretty kitties. I suggested that he should have a new name like James Newhouse, but no one got it. Anyway, long live Beltane.
I had a complicated test next day, so I wanted to learn, but they grabbed me to the downtown pub, I swear… then to a pizzeria… then to some concerts… You don’t need enemies with friends like these monsters!
I admit I’m kinda ashamed of writing this story, because looking back I seemed quite stupid… again. I always thought I was a smart person, but nowadays I’m not so sure. Whatever. I’m not gonna lie in this blog, so here you are.
After a couple of beer and an unforgettable vegee pizza we went to the most popular (cheapest) concert venue in town to listen to some fresh (amateur) bands. I like this place, there is a cool, shadowy upper circle where you can, uhm, do things in your inner circle, if you know what I mean. And booze has a friendly cost, too.
I was standing near the very crowded bar to get some drinks when I heard that really kickass music. To be honest really good music is a quite rare event here on Tuesdays, so I jerked my head up. The stage wasn’t very close, but I could see it’s a four-member band with heavy metal look and style. And the frontman seemed familiar to me. I couldn’t see his face well, because his long hair veiled him as he was playing his guitar, but then he started to sing. It was their own song and the guy has a great voice. Jesus rocked. Yeah, of course it was he.
‘Well, we must go to the moshpit!’ said Gabriel, when I got back to our table.
‘You sooo knew that’ I answered, and hit his head.
‘They sound awesome, don’t they? I’ve told you. C’mon.’
‘But where are Annie and Ria?’ I asked, but he just toke my hand and walked toward the stage.

We had a nice time there, we were high enough to get higher, and music was our ladder. The band played some AC/DC and Metallica covers, and also the Nightrain from the Guns (best Guns song ever, and it’s not a matter of discussion, right?), but their had an own style which sounded like… well, imagine 3 gallons of Sabbath, 2 gallons of early Offspring and 1 pint of Machine Head. Shaken, not stirred. I loved it.
Unfortunately during this smash I got a text from Annie. She wrote Ria felt sick, she went home with her, but she wished us to have a good time though. Funny girl. News didn’t make Gabriel too jumpy, he wanted to go backstage and meet the band.
‘Shame on you, man, what kind of boyfriend are you?’ I asked. ‘Go home and take care of your beloved one, you moron.’
‘She drank too much tequila, that’s all’ Gabriel said and burped. ‘Sorry Ma’am. Let’s go to meet the headline guys.’
He was stoned as fuck. And he’s self-assertive when he’s drunk, so three minutes later I found myself in a small dressing room with four sweaty but happy future superstars, and a very annoying Gabriel.
‘Hey, snappy girl. Nice to meet you again. Any beer? ‘ Jesus sent a mocking smile towards me, and I wasn’t loaded enough not to feel a little… shame.

To be continued.

The Orchid – Act I.

Busy days.
And they are terrible, too. Sometimes I wonder how could I be such a stupid bitch. Anytime I try to improve my forgiving abilities I run into a horrible crash.
Yes, it’s about Peter again. The nightmare is back.
A week ago when I arrived home from the hairdresser,  I found a beautiful, light purple, potted orchid on our door-step. And now should come the ‘I thought it’s for Annie’ or something like that, but I didn’t. I am kinda paranoid nowadays (thanks Peter), and I found out straight away who the sender was.  I almost collapsed. I felt the whisper of millions of goosebumps and not in the good way. The good old gut-wrenching fear, which I hate so much. I picked up the card.

I really like your new hairdo. 🙂

That was all it said. I could feel his eyes on my back. I took the plant on the neighbour’s door-step, and tore the card apart.


Two hours later I was still shaking a little bit.
Annie was furious as hell when she heard the story, and she wanted to call the police. That was nice from her, because finally I could smile.
‘Ok, I’ll call them, and will say: ‘I got a plant and someone likes my hairstyle, please arrest this monster.’ Do you think I’d  make their day?’
Annie puckered up her lips.
‘But he is a psycho. And this message… he must have followed you this morning, have you realized this yet?’
‘No, I’m retarded…’
‘You should report him to the police anyway. He should get a stay away order, or something like that.’
‘He should but he never will. This is not America. Neither the police nor the court will order anything till he cuts my throat. Fuck this shit. I was a dumbass meeting him.’
Annie cleared her throat.
‘Ok, I know you told me what would happen’, I sighted.
‘Well, at least your hair is great, it’s true. Blonde is your colour.’
‘I had dyed it dark after I broke up with this asshole. I hoped I could get my look back… and my life too.’
She gave me  a hug.
‘It will be OK, I promise. I’m going to cut away his balls if he appears again.’
Well, that’s how a real friend talks.

Bunny or Rabbit?

Our housewarming party was an Easter party as well. Two days of fearless drinking and having fun, now every single new neighbour of ours hates us. Yes, we prefer rapid methods. At least no one called the police. Yesterday morning (?) I woke up in the living room. Under the sofa. With bunny ears on my head, and a horrible ache inside of it. My last memory was that Gabriel’s trying to beat Andy in Guitar Hero, both were on the turps as fuck. Probably, me, too.
I don’t like these official “we have to be happy because it’s a celebration day” occasions, but this one was really funny. Annie, Ria, Nik and me decorated two dozens of eggs in gothic and glam metal style, they were awesome. Too bad they did not live very long, boys can eat anything if they’re hungry, it doesn’t even matter if it’s a piece of art. -.-


Peter sent me a wanna be funny Easter text, which could be nice from him, but it’s not. He shouldn’t know my recent number. Last one was changed because of him. My facebook profile was deleted because of him. Now I’ve got a new address too, I really hope he won’t appear here. I don’t need him stalking again.
I called some friends but none of them admitted the treason.

By the way, new Game of Thrones episode is out, I’d been sooo excited, then I found it kinda boring. And the dragons are ugly. 😦

Sic transit gloria mundi.

I am the Stranger

I am so fed up with this snow madness. I should travel to a lot of places by bus but I dare not leave because of this traffic chaos.  Well, the Starks should change their words, winter is not coming anymore, winter is fucking here. I’m not suitable to live in cold weather, so please turn off the flake factory over there.

I know I’m paranoid, but I’ve become suspicious of The Seven or the Lord of the Light or some other evil being wants to exterminate us. In this case, take my advice and blow our world up instead, thx.

I should learn very hard, but I’m so absent-minded… All I can do is watch a Led Zeppelin concert (Celebration Day, don’t miss it), eat some salad, write a post and try to forget everything else. My cellphone is turned off, I feel I’m lying in a bright, deep grave and everybody is buriing me.

White is trying to catch me, but my soul is dark and full of terrors.

Raining Cats and Metal Hammers

This morning Gabriel came over and brought about two thousand flyer with him. His girfriend’s cat escaped two days ago, and they try to find him this way, too. A male cat escapes in the spring, how nonsensical. 🙂

‘He just asks a pretty pussycat out on date, tell Ria to calm down’, I said. ‘Sorry to break your bubble, but cats are faithless little pricks, so if you’d like a four-legged friend, get a dog.’

‘I said exactly these words to her, but she was crying all night. I have to find that damn thing. Or at least act that I’m searching. By the way, what’s up with your kinky tom-cat?’, he asked, then grabbed my guitar and tried to play an A-minor. I wondered how he got to know about Peter. Aaand also found out that he is the worst guitar player I’ve ever met.

‘He wants a startover, bury the hatchet, and so on. I don’t. Story ends.’


‘Do you think I should pray?’

‘No, I meant him with that tomcat wittiness.’


‘Oh, sorry. I thought of another knight of mine.

‘They must be an army.’

‘Haha. That God guy was a dirty little trap from you. Shame on you.’

‘He liked you.’

I am sure about it.

‘Twisted taste… not my cup of tea’, I  answered.

Gabriel sighted.

‘You are complicated, aren’t you?’, he asked and did something terrible with my poor guitar, ’cause it screamed out  painfully.  I toke it away from him. He shot a sullen glance at me, then shrugged his shoulder, and toke a fresh Metal Hammer out of his bag.
‘Page 32. It may change your mind. I have to go now. Please, don’t forget these damn flyers.’

‘I will spam the whole university in your old-school style, I promise.’

After he had left I opened the magazine at page 32. I found a pic of a handsome Jesus there with his little companion. It turned out that he is the frontman of a quite popular metal band. Popular enough to feel myself fucking stupid ’cause I’ve never even heard about it.

I am so good at making a fool of myself.

By the way, if you meet a green-eyed, black cat called Benji, who misses his owner,  leave a comment.


Snowfall and a Suspiciously Easy Victory

Annie got very upset, when I told her Peter’s brand new action. She said that I was a fucking idiot if I met him, and she was right on the one hand.  This guy is crazy, no doubt, and she knows this. What she doesn’t know is that he can be dangerous, too. Maybe it seems insane, but the only way to keep him away from my life was meeting him, and hope that he could understand this situation finally.
Before leaving I had to beat the temptation of staying home (especially because there was kind of a blizzard outside), but I am a lioness-hearted stupid chick, so I went to the pizzeria.
He ‘d been waiting for me, already. And he seemed so incredibly normal. Even cute. Although I knew his pretending abilities I had to warn myself from time to time not to believe him. I can see through his disguise very well, but sometimes I don’t want to. Because it could be so perfect, if it was true. And I have to admit I’m still attracted to him physically. Even mentally. He’ s intelligent and highbrow. The only thing that doesn’t match that  the emotional part of his personality is  really fucked up. Or it doesn’t exist, I’m not 100 percent sure. Anyway, he’s  a psycho, and can be terrible if he’s in evil mode.
In a nutshell: he’d like to make a new start with me. At least friendship, but he’s quite sure he has deep feelings for me. He is really sorry for being insane, but  he’s trying to change. I should admit that we could be a perfect and happy couple.
I was gazing to my drink while he was talking, and I had to gather all of my power to see into his eyes and say no.

‘I don’t want to keep in touch with you anymore. I’m kinda sorry, but too many things happened. We can’t fix this.’

I got ready some tantrum attraction, or some insults, but he just smiled sadly.

‘Well, that’s what I’ve expected’, he said. ‘I don’t deserve anything else, but… I’d like you to think it over.’

‘It’s not necessary.’

Geez, his eyes were heart breaking.

‘I should do anything to make you change your mind.’

‘There’s nothing to do here anymore.’

This was our cue.

As I was going home in the hardcore snowfall I felt some incomprehensible emptiness.

I should feel free and easy, but I’m just exhausted and confused.


A New Place and an Old Friend

We’ve been longing for a new apartment for ages. We almost acquiesced to stay in this noisy and small flat (bonus: crazy landlord), but finally! My heart stood still, when Annie said we move off. Her cousin, Eva, bought a new house, and we can live in her old flat – which is a dreamplace, my friend. I didn’t have any questions.

‘Go ahead!’

Now our belongings are in boxes and bags, there is full chaos here, and I was searching for my cellphone all day, but I don’t give a fuck, a true home is waiting for me!

Of course, everytime, when I think I can overcome the difficulties, something (or someone) is ready to ambush. The gods hate me and they didn’t break the habit this time either.
This afternoon as I was crossing the campus, suddenly beyond my back–

‘Hi, Shadow.’

And there he was. The faithful demon from my troubled last summer. His dense, brown hair was shorter, and he seemed somehow unfamiliar in jacket, but it still was Peter. I tried not to pay any attention to him, and walk away. He followed me.


‘Please, talk to me’, he said.

‘I think we are not on speaking terms.’

‘I’d like to apologize–‘

‘For what?’

‘You know.’

‘Oh, not really. For being unfair, for spreading lies about me, for acting like a jerk, for threatening to commit suicide, or—‘

‘For all of them.’

He was really calm and… normal. Normal behaviour is always suspicious about Peter. Because it means he is acting.

I won’t deny, I felt desire to speak my mind to him. I was possessed by anger anytime I saw him. Or think of him. Or even hear his name. But now I know that I mustn’t underestimate his troublemaker ability.

It wasn’t an apology, it was a start of his next twisted little game.
I stopped walking, turned toward him and looked into his eyes. Dark and intelligent. They reflect his soul perfectly.

‘I’ll forgive you everything if you forget me forever. Deal?’, I asked.

He smiled, and I had to realize that I couldn’t hold him in abomination after all. This revelation struck terror into me.  If there is a real devil on earth it must be him. Seriously.

‘I’m staying in town for a week. Let me see you.’

‘No way.’

‘Come on, just a dinner or something. I’ll be good, I promise.’

He forced me into corner.   I had to get rid of him, because my aim was our new address and I didn’t want him to know it.  If I had refused him, he would have followed me, so… Any port in a storm.

Now I have a date with my sick ex in a Pizza Hut on Thursday.

Life is beautiful.

Gabriel, Who Led Me To Jesus Himself

Gabriel’s friends always make me freak out. Yesterday I was so lucky that I met another one. We went to our favourite pub to have a beer or two, and discuss about this crazy world. I had a bad day and I was pissed off, needed some Gabriel therapy. Unfortunately, there was also this metalhead with long, dark hair and bloodshot eyes. And he wanted to talk to someone that night. It seemed I became his target, I didn’t know why. Maybe ’cause I was a new face which hadn’t been fed up with his crap yet.  Maybe because he was fed up with Gabriel. Maybe because I was a girl. Anyway. He talked a tons of bullshit about his band, and their amazing all-day rehearsal. I didn’t give a fuck and I didn’t keep it dark, but he didnt’ get it.

‘You have incredibly beautiful eyes’,  finally he said.

Oh my.

‘I think they are quite average.’

‘Then you’re wrong.’

‘Shame on me.’

‘Any drinks?’ asked Gabriel. I ordered a Guinness, and had caught his cheeky smile before he went to the bar. I knew I was going to fucking kill him. I realized that I had been trapped in a blind date.  And the guy wasn’t fun at all.

‘I think I should run far away’, I murmured.

‘I would be after you.’

‘You’ve heard it, oh shit’. I yawned. However, somehow I knew he didn’t lie.

Gabriel came back with the drinks, then said some bullshit about his girlfriend’s cat (!), and quickly sneaked out the pub.


‘I’ve heard you’re kinda bookworm’, said the metal guy.

‘My reputation precedes me. Ehm.. what’s your name again?’

‘My friends call me Jesus.’

‘All twelve of them? You must be joking.’

‘No. I have a cruxifix tattoo on my back. That’s why.’

‘I mean I can’t believe you have any friends except Gabriel.’

‘Haha. Actually, I am a very nice guy since I’m out of house arrest.’

I couldn’t help smiling.

‘Such a sweet smile for a snappy girl’.

‘You can stop this, we’re not going to fuck.’

‘Now my heart’ve been broken.’

‘Hearts are so overrated.’

He lifted his eyebrows.

‘I totally agree. ‘

‘And you’re male. I’m sure you’ve never had a long time relationship.’

He laughed out loudly. (aka LOL)

‘You really hate me, don’t you?’ he asked.

‘Nope. Hatred would mean that I care’, I answered, drank my beer up and walked out of the pub.